Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
