As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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