I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
