You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
