My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
