I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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