woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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