No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
