he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
