We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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