I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
