college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
