brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
