guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
