Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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