when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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