it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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