She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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