Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
