I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
