sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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