I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
