i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
