Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
