I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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