i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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