cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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