when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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