You work out of a Hotel?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Fuck me I smell like cheese
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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