Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
