When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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