I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
