she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
