Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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