glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
birth control should be required to get into college
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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