I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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