I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
