All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
no, he came in my armpit
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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