after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
