I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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