my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Its about making memories worth repressing
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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