i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
