3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
