she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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