just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
