Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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