you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
