so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
