i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I wear drunk well.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
