Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
