glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
