She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
